


Children are a Blessing

by Vreee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Daycare, Gen, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-03
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vreee/pseuds/Vreee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which The Kids tend for The Trolls as daycare workers and it is all silly and adorable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave and Jade - Morning half

\-----------------

 

“I don’t know how you deal with it.”

“Oh, come on Dave. It’s not _that_ bad.”

Dave sighs, leaning over to breathe against the frosty pane of the car’s window. “I can see my goddamn breath. It’s not natural to live in a fucking tundra.” He flicks out his index finger, lazily tracing shapes on the fogged up glass. A hand smacks against his thigh.

“Stop that. I don’t want fingerprint smudges.”

Dave looks over and smirks. “Cheeky.” His companion rolls her eyes, replacing her hand on the wheel. “I hate the cold as much as you do, Dave. I’m an island girl, remember? But you have to learn to live with it!” She glances outside the car’s frosted pane, her lips melting into a fond smile as the snow-tipped skyline of the city sparkles under the first sun’s rays. “Besides, I think it’s rather pretty.”

Dave snorts, slouching down in his seat and rubbing his hands together. “Till you freeze your ass off in it.”

“Language! You’re going to get us in trouble one of these days.”

A short bark of laughter is his response. “Please, Jade. If a pissy 3 year-old can get away with it, so can I.” He glances out the window, drumming his fingers on the door as the car begins to slow. “Speak of the little horned devil.”

Jade groans under her breath, jerking the wheel to the left as the car turns and coasts on the ice to stop neatly between the parking lines. “You can’t be serious.” She readjusts her glasses, yanking her seatbelt off and snagging her keys from the ignition. “It’s below freezing! I’m assuming he’s alone, of course.”

“Course. I wouldn’t believe this kid even had parents if not for the checks coming through the mail.” Dave yawns, arching his back off the seat and he unbuckles himself. “John says he gets picked up on time, though. Must be a killer morning job.”

Jade’s already out the door and into the frostbitten air, hurrying up the frozen steps of the building as fast as she dared. A small bundle is huddled by the door, its likeness to a pile of forgotten clothes betrayed only by occasional movement. A small head peeps out at the sound of Jade approaching. She leans down and pants, smiling as a stubborn glare and rosy nose greet her with a sniff.

“Good morning, Karkat. Let’s get you inside, okay?”

Another sniff. The bundle stands, and a small child totters over to Jade’s side, letting one hand dart from his cocoon of warmth to tug on her dress impatiently. She scoops him up in her arms, letting him burrow his head against her neck and tug her scarf down over his ears. Jade sighs and turns around to look down at Dave, who is taking his sweet time to emerge from the heated car.

“Come on, Strider!” she calls impatiently, tapping her foot and shifting the child in her arms. “Out of the car!”

Dave exhales irritably, pushing himself out and slamming the car door shut. He sticks his hand into his pocket, fishing out a set of keys as he jogs up the stairs. He nods at Jade, eyeing the child swaddled in clothes and pressing into her chest. “Wow.” He raises an eyebrow, jamming the keys into the lock and turning. “He’s letting you hold him?”

Jade shrugs, pushing past him as the door unlocks. “It’s pretty freaking cold. Come on, coolkid, let’s go get warmed up.” She trudges down the hall, pausing mid-step to glance back at him with a knowing grimace. “Oh, don’t you dare.”

Dave snaps his mouth shut, swallowing his cheeky retort. He bows mockingly, kicking the door shut behind them. “Wouldn’t think of it.” Jade laughs, swapping the child to her left side to reach over and flick on the lights.  

Cheap, white bulbs flicker to life, flooding the room with dim lighting. An expanse of toys lies out across the room, some tucked into cubbies and some pushed to the corners of the room. A small, orderly kitchen is placed in the right corner of the room, and two twin doors marked ‘Restroom’ occupy the left. Various pillows and dollhouses litter the floor, along with stray boxes filled with clothes, damaged toys, and craft materials.

Dave kicks the box labeled ‘Broken parts – Equius’ out of his way as Jade plops Karkat onto a beanbag, grabbing a nearby blanket and swathing the shivering child in it. She smiles down at him, patting his head gently as he grumbles at the touch. “Stay here. I’ll make you some cocoa as we get ready, okay?” The child sticks out his tongue in response, turning on his side to lie down on his makeshift bed. Jade chuckles, looking over her shoulder at Dave. “Go sign him in, would you?”

The blonde shrugs, trudging over to the beaten appliance. He brushes a few stray magnets off the screen, courtesy of Sollux, and taps three keys absently as the machine hums to life. A few clicks later, he pushes himself up from the chair, the ‘Signed In’ box for Karkat firmly checked. He didn’t know why they ever bothered un-checking it.

Jade hurries back over to Karkat, placing a steaming mug of instant-cocoa on the floor. The child doesn’t stir, but grunts once in acknowledgment.

Jade slips her glasses off, rubbing the fogged lenses against her shirt as Dave wanders over. She smiles, standing up and nudging him once in the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get set up before the rest get here.” She grabs him by the sleeve, tugging the reluctant coolkid over to where their aprons were hung. “And Kanaya will be here soon, okay Karkat?”

Grunt.

 

\-----------------

 

 “Good morning, Equius. Nepeta! Oh, let me brush that fur off your jacket.”

Jade ushers the children in one by one, giving cheerful waves as the parents ebb in and out. Their only pause comes by the computer to sign in their offspring before giving them a pat on the head and rushing out the door. Troll parents sure were busy.

Dave mans the hangers, stripping wriggling kids of their soaked jackets and mittens to place them neatly on the hooks lining the walls. For the most part, this is done with little resistance as Dave is usually upon them before they have time to muster so much as an indignant squawk. Sniffly, wet heaps of clothes go in; dazed, mussy-haired trolls come out.  Until…

“Eridan.” His voice is deceptively calm as he tries to pry the child’s clawed fingers apart. “Give me the scarf.”

“No!” A snap of teeth narrowly misses his wrist. Dave glares down at the struggling troll. “Yes, Eridan. It’s totally soaked. Give it to me.”

“No!” Eridan snarls, swiping at Dave’s leg. Dave narrows his eyes as he side-steps the flailing hand, keeping a firm hold on the offending accessory. He glances around for Jade until his eyes land on a much better solution.

“Eridan, look.” Dave cautiously removes one hand to gesture at a corner of the room. His finger points directly at two trolls typing away at the spare computer. “See that? Sollux is playing Freddi Fish with Feferi.” Eridan’s eyes lock onto his opponent, chest swelling up with the outright indignation of an enraged 4 year-old.

“I know… Freddi Fish is your favorite game, isn’t it?” Dave’s voice is soothing now, his hands slowly tugging the scarf through Eridan’s relaxing fingers. “But Sollux is pretty good at it too, hm? He might even show her…” and at this Dave is leaning close, whispering in the child’s ear, “…where all the purple sea urchins are.”

At this Eridan loses it, shrieking as he launches himself across the room at Sollux. Dave whips off the forgotten scarf with a satisfied smirk. He folds it neatly and places it on the rack, humming his favorite tune as Eridan and Sollux grapple and hiss, tumbling to the floor in a flurry of kicks and bites.

Feferi wails and in an instant Jade is beside her, grabbing the two off the floor by the scruff of their necks. She scolds incessantly as Sollux is deposited in a chair in the corner of the room and a flailing Eridan in the other. She dusts her hands off, striding up to Dave with an irritated scowl and hands on her hips.  

“Clothes are hung,” he says brightly, ruffling her hair as he side-steps past her. She manages to smack him on the arm before he escapes, her scowl deepening. “Don’t encourage them!” she hisses. He shrugs in response, heading for the kitchen to avoid her wrath.

 

\-----------------

 

Terezi is there, sitting on the floor with folded legs and an impish grin on her lips. She immediately latches onto his leg as he steps past her, tongue darting forward to leave a slobbery trail up and down his pants legs. “Hello, Terezi,” he says fondly, bending down to ruffle her hair. He’d long grown accustomed to the incessant licking. He’d just made a note never to set her on his shoulders again. Troll spit was hard to get out of perfectly styled hair.

She cackles, gripping his leg with surprising force as he attempts to shake her off, limping towards the counter. After a few moments of desperate leg-wriggling, he gives up and settles on being clung to as he begins to divide up small plates of crackers. She was a lot stronger than she looked.

Jade is suddenly at his side, a child tucked against her shoulder as she bends down and rifles through the fridge. Dave doesn’t even bother looking at her. He knows the image by heart. “Tavros get picked on?”

“Yep.” Jade sighs, pulling out a small cookie and offering it to the sniffling boy. “2 minutes through the door, and she’s at it again.”

“If he learned to walk, this wouldn’t be an issue,” Dave drawls, tossing a stray cracker into his mouth. An argument, also known by heart. He can hear Jade’s reply before it’s out of her mouth.

“Nonsense. She’d just find something else to tease him about. Tavros can crawl until he’s comfortable, can’t you Tavwos?” Jade coos to the child tentatively nibbling on the offered treat. Tavros shyly peeks over at Dave, who smiles in spite of himself.

“Ahhhh, it’s okay, Tavros,” he grins, reaching over to ruffle the boy’s hair. “You’re a good kid.” Tavros squeaks, burrowing back down into Jade’s shoulder.  “I suppose it’s my turn to have a talk with her?” Dave drawls as Jade stands back up.

“If you could,” she answers, snagging a cracker off the plates. “Oh, and the fatality count today is up to 2 crayons and the Talk-a-Phone.”

Dave smacks his hands to his cheeks in horror. “Not the Talk-a-Phone!”

 

\-----------------

 

Snack time passes with relative ease. Naturally, Vriska doesn’t listen to a word Dave says through her daily lecture and, naturally, Equius crushes his crackers into powder until Jade is forced to scoop them into his mouth.  A few stray crumbs litter the floor, which Nepeta pounces on in delighted mewls until Dave picks her up and tosses her into the plushie pile so they could get some cleaning done.

Jade sweeps the floor as Dave balances a tray, attempting to navigate through the children rushing to and fro under his feet. He makes a swift pivot to avoid one of them sprawled out atop of a pile of horns, finally making his way back to the kitchen with a relieved sigh. He jerks on the faucet, grabbing the sponge as Jade returns and dumps the dustbin into the garbage. She dusts her hands off firmly, placing the broom to the side and giving Dave a tentative smile.  He nods, glancing back over to the child passed out on the mountain of horns. “Have we ever _bought_ those things?”

Jade follows his gaze, raising an eyebrow and dropping her voice to a hush. “ _No._ I _think_ he gets them from home, but I’ve never seen him bring one in.” She gives him an off-handed shrug, turning back to the other children as a high-pitched scream punctuates their conversation. She knew that shriek. _Everyone_ knew that shriek.

“Eridan, honey,” she coos, stepping over a pile of discarded crayons to make her way to the center of the room. The child was plopped down in the middle, wailing his head off as he thrashed on the floor and beat his fists on the carpet. The others were beginning to take notice, skirting away from the disturbance with irritated groans.  

“Eridan,” she tries again, stooping into a crouch and giving a sympathetic smile, “Oh, what’s wrong sweetie?”  

The child sniffles, looking up at her through tear-filled eyes as his lip quivers dramatically. He inhales sharply, forcing out the words through blubbery sobs. “F-f-fef-feri a-a-and K-k-kan a-are p-play-i-ing d-d-dress-u-up a-a-and K-k-kar i-is p-play-i-ing _but they won’t let meeeeeeee_!” Another screech and he’s back on the floor, more hysterical than ever.  

Jade heaves a sigh, gently patting the writhing child before standing back up. “I’ll go talk to them, okay?” she says sweetly, turning on her heels to eye the two mentioned girls. They are dolled up to the max. Kanaya sports a frayed green dress pulled over her clothes and a smudged dash of lipstick, and Feferi nearly blinds Jade with a sparkling pink tutu, complete with fairy wand and plastic crown. They shrink under her stare, backing up slightly and shoving a third troll behind their backs. The two then stand up primly, lacing their fingers together as they give Jade twin innocent looks.

“Kanaya… Feferi…” she says slowly, crossing her arms and taking a step forward. They take one back, bumping into their hidden accomplice. Jade raises an eyebrow. “ _Why_ aren’t you letting Eridan play with you?”

Kanaya puts her hands on her hips indignantly. “No boys allowed!”

“We’re bein’ princesses,” Feferi adds, giving a twirl for good measure.

Jade waggles a finger and tsks. “Ah, ah, but you’re letting Karkat play, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but-” Kanaya blurts out before snapping her mouth shut and biting her lip. Jade gives her a weighty stare. “But what?”

“Kar’s bein a princess too!” Feferi says brightly.

Jade blinks once. Twice.

Feferi nods eagerly, reaching behind to grab hold of their friend’s wrist before he could retreat. She tugs with all her might, pulling forward a hissing and spitting form for Jade to see.

 

\-----------------

 

The first thing Jade sees is pink. Pink and ruffles and the poofiest little dress that a girl could wish for. It trails to the floor, expanding and rippling over a good 2 feet as clawed fingers tug angrily at the carefully-bunched sleevs. Jade follows the movement up to the child’s face, staring blankly as Karkat _oh lord they put glitter in his hair_ bites his lip and puffs out his flushed cheeks out, giving the impression of an angry bulldog. He drops to his floor with a thud, small fingers curling into fists as his eyes begin to water and his teeth clench. _Crap._

“ _Daaaaaaaaave!_ ”

The moment the high-pitched squeal leaves her mouth Dave is at her side, throwing Karkat the briefest of glances before reaching down to yank the offending garment over the boy’s head. Before the child has time to blink, he pivots on his heels, clapping his hands together as his voice rises to a boom. “ _Yard time!_ ”

The room becomes a blur as Dave darts between the children, throwing on their coats and scarves as they give muffled cries of indignation and confusion. _Bam, bam, bam_ , he grabs them by the waist and chucks them out the door, flinging them head-first into a nearby snowbank.

As soon as the last child leaves Dave’s hands, he slams the door shut and slumps against it. After a few moments he glances back at a dazed Jade, who still hasn’t moved from her spot. “They’re gone now,” he says quietly.

A cough. Then a snicker, then a snigger, until Jade is pressing both hands over her mouth as laughter bubbles out. She’s positively shaking with mirth and tears are beginning to form before Dave allows his poker face to drop, breaking into a broad grin. He walks over and claps her on the shoulder as she begins to wipe her eyes. “O-oh, thank you,” she gasps, patting him on the hand, “I-I didn’t w-want to see me l-laugh at…” At this she bursts into a fit of giggles once more.

Dave chuckles, running his free hand through his hair. “I know,” he grins, glancing back at the door, “God, that kid. How _high_ do you even..”

“Shhhh,” Jade sniggers, bending down to wipe her hands on her apron. “K-kanaya totally b-bullied him into it, you could so tell.”

Dave shrugs, sticking his hands into his pockets and giving her a knowing smirk. “I dunno, Jade… Wouldn’t matter how scary the chick was, you’d never catch _me_ in that monstrosity.” He sighs mournfully. “Poor kid. Must be hard growing up confus-”

“Oh hush.” Jade rolls her eyes, standing up straight again to grab his sleeve. “Come on. Who’s doing Yard Duty, you or me? We’ve left them alone long enough as it is.”

 Dave breaks free from the grasp with a pivot, gripping her by the waist to lower her into a graceful dip. “Milady,” he says in an all-too serious tone as she sputters, “I have both lectured the spiderbrat and clothed the children in your time of need.” He flicks her nose. “They are _all_ yours.”

In a flash Jade is back on her feet, blinking dumbly as Dave gives her a smirk and saunters off for the fridge. After a few moments of dazed processing, she sticks her tongue out. She turns for the door with a groan and yanks it open, warnings flying out of her mouth before she’s taken so much as a step. “ _VRISKA!_ No pushing on the slide! _NEPETA!_ Spit that poor bird out! _SOLLUX! Is that my phone?! Give that back ri_ -”

Dave chuckles as the door slams shut, cutting off her verbal assault. _Sucker._ He turns back to the fridge and rifles through its contents, triumphantly plucking out a can of soda. He cracks it open, letting it hiss and froth before relaxing against the counter for a victory swig.

“Hello.”

 

\-----------------

 

Dave chokes, spraying the air with spit and slamming the can back on the counter. He sputters and wipes his mouth with his sleeve, eyes darting around the room suspiciously.

“Down here.”

Dave locks on to the voice and glances at his feet to find a smile child curled in the kitchen’s corner, nose buried in a rather hefty tome. She doesn’t look up.

“Aradia,” he breathes, rubbing his temples and giving her an awkward smile. “I didn’t know you were still in here.”

“I know.” Her voice is dull and flat, her eyes trained on the book. She licks her finger, flipping a page.

Dave hesitates for a moment, and then crouches down to look at her clearly. “Er… can’t say I remember you coming in today. When did you get here?”

“Don’t know.” Flip.

“You don’t?”

“Nope.” Flip.

Dave exhales, pushing himself back up. “Right. Well… I’m going to clean up. Shouldn’t you, ah, go outside?”

Aradia raises her head a bit, glancing at the door and then back at her book. “It’s cold.” Flip. “I’m reading.”

Dave shrugs, grabbing the broom to the left. “Whatever. Just… sit there and… don’t make a mess.”

“Okay.” Flip.

Dave hefts the broom and turns his back to her, face twisting into a pained grimace.

 _Eesh._

 _  
_

\-----------------

 

When Jade returns, she has an inch of snow on her head and two armfuls of troll. The other children rush in shrieking and giggling, dumping their freshly-soaked coats onto the floor before scampering off. Dave sighs wistfully. He’d _just_ cleaned that.

Jade shoots him an irritated glare, stomping over to dump a thrashing Sollux into his arms and re-adjusting Tavros in her own. Dave grunts, struggling to hold on to the wriggling child. “What happened?”

Jade huffs, sticking her hand into her apron’s pocket to fish out a rather beaten cell-phone. “Time-out for him. He stole and _re-programmed_ my phone.”

“Reprogrammed?” Dave snorts, tossing Sollux over his shoulder. Teeny little teeth sink into his neck in reciprocation. He ignores them. “He’s 3, Jade.”

Jade shoves the phone in his face, scrolling with her thumb as the screen flashes before his eyes. “He changed the language setting to Mandarin,Dave. _Mandarin_. That’s not even an _option_!”  

Dave blinks, turning his head to look at the little tyke attempting to nibble him to death. “Well,” he says, reaching up to pat Sollux’s head with his free hand, “Aren’t you a clever little fellow.”

Jade groans, reaching over to slide the phone between his fingers. “Put him in the corner, and tell him he can’t come out till he fixes it. And no computer for the rest of the day!” She turns on her heels, storming off in a huff. Tavros’ chin bounces up and down on her shoulders, squeaking as he struggles to cling to her.

Dave gives the kid a little wave before returning attention to his own problem. “Alright, mister,” he says sternly, “Time-out for you.” He strides over to the corner, prying reluctant fangs off his neck before dropping his charge into the chair. Sollux crosses his arms, turning away as Dave pulls the cell-phone from his pocket. He bends down, tapping the boy’s back expectantly.

“Come on now. You know you shouldn’t have taken it.” He offers the device to the child, who gives him a withering glare before sticking his nose in the air. Dave sighs, prodding the boy again. “Fix it, Sollux. We need it in English.” A raspberry in his face.

Dave grits his teeth, absently wiping troll spit off his nose as his mind whirs for ideas. He notices Eridan watching out of the corner of his eye, a savage grin plastered across his face. _Sollux is in trouble, Sollux is in trouble…_

“Tell you what, Sol,” he says finally, returning his attention to the nuisance in the chair. “I’ll make you a deal. You will change the phone back to English, and,” he says abruptly, holding up a hand as the boy’s tongue begins to protrude again, “AND… you will change her ringtone to _Big Booty Bitches_. If you do, I will give you a cookie and this will have never happened.” Sollux gives him a weighty look. Silence stretches between them. Finally, he snatches the phone from Dave’s outstretched palm and nods once. The deal is struck.   

Dave smiles and stands, wiping the last of the lingering spit off his face. He hums cheerfully, sauntering back over to Jade. He leans over to tousle Tavros’ hair as she glances back at him. “You got it worked out with him?”

“There is no issue that cannot be worked out between gentlemen, Jade.”

He’s met with a suspicious stare. “… He’s 3, Dave.”

“True.”

“…Dave?”

“Yes?”

“Am I going to get my phone back with a ringtone about butts?”

“You know, Jade, it is possible that we spend entirely too much time together.”

 

\-----------------

 

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur. The tantrums, the spills, even the part where they had to call an ambulance because Sollux got into the honey… it all seemed to fade away in Jade’s mind. She catches herself staring wistfully at the ticking arms of the clock, counting down under her breath as each minute passes. Dave seems just as pre-occupied, barely noticing Terezi jumping onto his back with a delighted cackle.

Jade chuckles, glancing back at the clock. _Three more minutes_.

“Miss Harley, Equius broke the rocking horse!”

 _Two more minutes_.

“Vriska’s cheating at Candyland!”

 _One more freaking minute_.

“I fink I’m gonna frow up…”

 _Click_.

“Alright, everyone!” Jade exclaims loudly, clapping her hands together. 11 heads swivel to look up at her. “It’s 12 o’ clock, and you know what that means!” She instinctively claps her hands over her ears as Dave does the same.

The response is instantaneous and deafening.

 _NOOOOOIDONWANNATAKEANAPWHYDOIHAVETOSLEEPNEPETABITMEIDONWANNACAN’TWEPLAYALITTLELONGERIDONWANNA-_

“ **OI**!” Dave yells, “ **QUIET**!” The noise peters out, the shyer trolls shirking at the command while the more stubborn ones fall into petulant grumbles. Jade sighs in relief, cautiously removing her hands. _We really should invest in earplugs._

Dave begins rolling out the mats as Jade herds the children towards their cubbies. “Alright, everyone grab their blankets, _no pushing_ , come on now, hurry up.” Jade skirts between them, reaching up to grab a bin off the top rack as they dart around her feet. “Yes, yes, everyone will get their cuddle-buddy, _I saw that Vriska_ , wait your turn…” She begins to pull an assortment of plush creatures from the basket, tossing them down into the clamoring crowd below.  “Alright, Lemonsnout for you Terezi… Here’s Aurthour and Pounce, _quit leaping Nepeta_ , oh and look it’s Tinkerbull…”

Jade continues handing out toys to the grabby little hands until only one is left in her grasp. Her eyes search about the room, finally finding her target curled up in the corner. She edges past Dave, who is _gently_ tossing the kids onto their respective mats, and cautiously tip-toes over to the child.

“Feferi?” she says kindly, placing her hand on the girl’s back. “It’s nap time, sweetie. Don’t you want to cuddle with Miss…” Jade pauses, peering at the toy in an attempt to distinguish exactly _what_ it was. “Uh… this?” The girl stiffens.

“No!” she shrieks, whirling around to smack the toy to the floor. Before Jade can even form a reprimand, Feferi is clinging to her skirts and shaking like a leaf. Jade exhales slowly, crouching low to wrap the girl in a comforting embrace. “There, there Feferi,” she murmurs. “It’ll be okay.”

“'M-m s-sorry M-miss H-h-harley...” Feferi sobs, burying her face into Jade's shoulder. “I j-just d-don’ like i-it when S-s-sollux…” Unable to finish, she dissolves into wails as Jade gently strokes her head.

“Oh, I know honey…” Jade sighs, folding her legs to sit on the floor and pull the child into her lap. “I don’t like it either. But he’ll get better, okay? He’ll come see you tomorrow.” Feferi sniffles as Jade gives her a comforting squeeze, rocking her back and forth. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Jade leans down to kiss her forehead. “Let’s go lie down, okay?” She stands with an oompf, pulling the child to her feet. Feferi gives her a hesitant smile, blinking back the last of her tears. “Kay.”

Jade turns, starting as she nearly knocks over another child behind her. “Oh!” she exclaims. “Eridan!” The little boy stares at the floor, carefully glancing at Feferi before looking back down and squeezing his plush whale. Jade smiles, raising a curious brow. “Yes?”

Eridan flinches, wrenching his gaze to the left before striding forward and shoving the whale into Feferi’s arms. “Here!” he says firmly, refusing to meet her questioning look. “Take it!” Feferi blinks, tentatively taking the offered toy. “B-ut… but this is yours, Eri,” she stammers out.

“Yeah, w-well!” Eridan bites his lip. “You need it more than me. So!” His eyes clench shut. “You gotta stop crying! … Okay?” After a few moments of silence he creaks open one eyelid, face flushing as Feferi stares at him in complete bafflement. He whips around and dashes back to his mat, inciting a few irritated groans as he burrows back under his blanket.

Jade chuckles awkwardly, shooing a nonplussed Feferi back to her bedding before making her way back over to Dave. He folds his arms, shaking his head as she approaches. “What a stud.”

“Oh, hush!” Jade hisses, nudging him in the shoulders playfully. “He was trying so hard.”

Dave snorts. “Doesn’t make it less funny.”

Jade ignores him, preferring to survey the room like a satisfied mother hen. Although they always placed the mats at a respectable distance from each other, friends constantly abandoned their own beds to burrow in with others. Nepeta was curled up atop Equius, purring contentedly. Terezi and Kanaya had managed to sandwich a wriggling Karkat between them, giggling softly as they cuddled their reluctant pillow. Tavros was already asleep but Gamzee had wandered over to keep the boy company, even if all he was doing was vacantly chewing on the other’s hair.

Jade sighs happily, leaning against Dave with a peaceful smile etched across her face. “Aren’t they adorable?” she whispers.

“One of them vomited in the bathroom.”

“Dave…”

“It’s on the mirror.”

“Dave.”

“I think they had spaghetti.”

“ **DAVE**.”

“What?”

“No talking. Please.”

Dave rolls his eyes, reaching up to ruffle her hair. “You’ve done well with your babies, Momma Jade.”

Jade chuckles, ducking out from his hand. “Come on, coolkid. Let’s clean up before John and Rose get here.”

“I think we should leave the bathroom for John.”

“Dave…”

“No seriously, I bet he’d get a kick out of it. ‘ _Oh man, gross, haha!’_ ”

“No, Dave.”


	2. Intermission - Kids

They moment they finish cleaning is always the moment that Rose Lalonde arrives. Jade calls it _'an innate gift of punctuality'_. Dave calls it _'a self-serving sense of timing._ '

Jade perks her head up from the counter she sweeps the last dregs of crumbs into the bin. A woman slips through the doors, closing it without a sound as she surveys the room. She brushes soft blonde hair from her face, smiling kindly at Jade as she mouths a question. _Where's Dave?_

Before Jade can make a single gesture the boy appears from restrooms, holding a mop and looking quite disgruntled. His hair is pulled back in a handkerchief and his glasses are slightly askew. He shoots Rose a withering stare, who returns it with a gentle smirk.

Jade smiles at the silent exchange. She motions to the two as she heads towards the backdoor, attempting to draw them away from the children. They tiptoe quietly around the sleeping forms, taking great care not to step on any stray fingers or toes. Jade holds the door open as the two step out into the snow-covered yard, nodding briefly at Karkat as he watches them from his mat with an irritated scowl. His two golden eyes gleam in the darkness before she pulls the door shut with a click.

“He's still not sleeping?” Rose inquires politely, brushing stray snow off her jacket.

“I hoped he would today,” Jade sighs, “Kanaya and Terezi pinned him down. But he never shut his eyes.”

“Face it, he's never gonna take a nap,” Dave shrugs and scuffs his feet. “Kid's got bags under his eyes and he's _three_. I wouldn't be surprised if he _can't_ sleep.”

“Perhaps there is a hidden reason for his insomnia,” Rose muses, her tone casual.

“Oh no,” Dave says firmly, holding up his hands. “Save your psychoanalysis bullshit for some other sap, I don't want to hear it.”

“Speaking of which, where is John?” Jade asks, scanning the playground absently. “Didn't he come in your car?”

“Work ran long today, so he took the bus. I passed him on the way here though, so he should be arriving sho-”

“Ow!”

“Speak of the goober,” Dave murmurs, turning away from the girls to stride across the yard. He hops onto the gate, swinging himself up to peer over the top. “Sup Egbert. Have a nice trip?”

He gazes over at a body sprawled awkwardly across the stairs, smirking as the it attempts to pick itself up off the steps. Hands reach up to re-adjust square frames, blue orbs lighting up as they land upon Dave's smug face. “Haha, I get it! Nice _trip!_ ” A snigger. “See you next _fall!_ ”

Dave rolls his eyes, a hopelessly fond grin twitching on his lips. “As impossibly lame as your sense of humor is, John, we need you back here. Rose has already started on her therapy lecture and I need my wingman.”

John laughs, jumping off the stair's ledge to make his way to the gate's entrance. He looks up at his friend expectantly, rapping on the bare wood. “Well, if you need me then open it!”

Dave's grin widens. “First, tell me you love me.”

“Dave...”

“Now tell me I'm pretty.”

“You are the prettiest and baddest coolkid who has ever graced my pitiful existence. My life would be a meaningless void without your god-like presence. Can I come in now?”

The gate swings open. “Password accepted.”

John pushes past him, giggling as Dave jumps off the ledge to land beside him. “Just kidding!” He produces two entwined digits. “Had my finger's crossed.”

“You are such a loser.”

“Hehe, you're just mad!”

The two banter back and forth as they trod back to the girls, playful shoving resulting in outright snowball war by the time they reach their friends. Jade snorts as John gets a faceful of snow, frantically tossing projectiles right and left as Dave darts around the yard. Rose smiles, leaning over to whisper in Jade's ear.

“Hey!”

Jade looks up, blinking as Dave points an accusing finger at her. “What?”

Dave crosses his arms and gives Rose an accusing stare. “No female conspiracies. The last time Ros-” _Thwap!_

“John. I am trying to talk here.”

“Heheheh!”

“The last time Rose chatted with you,” Dave continues, “You brought me asparagus for a week, then cried each and every time I didn't eat it. So no tricky little female plots, courtesy of Ms. Wannabe-Therapist.”

Jade rolls her eyes as Rose chuckles, pulling up her jacket's sleeve to check her watch. “Just as well. Our shift just started. You two have somewhere to be, no?”

“Of course,” Dave says swiftly, appearing at Jade's side to sling an arm around her shoulder. “We always have somewhere to be, Lalonde. Tonight we shall dine like kings at La Faux-Semblant, followed by an evening at the opera shortly before we finish off with imported truffles and wine.”

Rose raises an eyebrow and looks at Jade. The woman shrugs. “I'm going to pick up Bec's flea meds, and then we're going lamp shopping.”

Dave sighs and turns to chuck a stray snowball at John, who had been sneaking up behind him. “I liked my version better.”

Jade giggles, grabbing him by the arm as she waves good-bye to the other two. “You two have fun! Oh, and Sollux got taken home today.”

“The honey?”

“Yeah...”

Rose tsks, nodding in farewell as Jade pulls Dave out the gate. She turns as John trots up beside her, smiling brightly and wiping snow out of his face. “Shall we?” he asks breathlessly, reaching for the door.

“Wait, John,” Rose says firmly, grabbing his wrist. John flinches, averting his eyes from her. She gives him a stern look. “Turn towards me.”

He hesitantly complies, keeping his gaze trained on the ground as Rose gently touches his face, tracing the circles under his eyes. “You haven't been sleeping enough, Egbert,” she says finally.

John chuckles nervously, breaking away from the contact. “It's fine, Rose. You worry too much! I've just been restless, that's all.” Rose crosses her arms, thoroughly unconvinced.

“What time did Karkat get picked up last night?” John instantly stiffens. Bingo.

“Not too late,” he replies causally, scuffing his foot in the snow. “Probably a little after six.”

“John. You can fool Dave, but you ca-”

“Okay, closer to seven,” John interrupts. “Really, Rose, it's not a big deal.” He offers her a smile, which she does not return.

“John, we close at six. You have to stand up for yourself, or he'll just keep doing it. The definition of insanity is to repeat an action and expect different res-”

“Rose. It's _okay_.” John shakes his head. “His dad needs to work late. I really don't mind. Besides,” he adds, “I can't just leave the little guy alone here.”

Rose clucks her tongue disapprovingly. “Just... promise me you'll speak to him tonight. And call me for a ride back.” She snaps open her phone, scrolling through her perfectly organized calender. “I have a hair appointment at six-ten, but I'm free after that.”

John grins weakly. “Okay, I promise.” He reaches for the door handle again, pausing to look at her for permission. “Shall we?

Rose sighs, nodding once. “We shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Made this it's own little short-part, since it's really neither morning nor afternoon care. Busy, busy! And all your comments are so nice, they really are.
> 
> Oh dear lord I made like a million drafts what did you do AO3! Sorry if this set off any alarms!


	3. John and Rose - Afternoon Half

The door creaks slightly as John and Rose tiptoe their way through the room, mindful of the sleepily twitching toddlers scattered at their feet. Rose immediately sets out for the kitchen, preparing for her usual ritual of tallying up the snack inventory and to peruse whatever notes Jade had left her. John surveys the room and scratches his head, sighing in relief as he notes each child snoring peacefully.

Except for the usual, of course.

He feels the familiar predatory stare on his back as his spine prickles with warning. He turns his head and looks down, watching as Karkat glares up at him from his mat. The boy seemed to have managed his daily escape from Kanaya and Terezi’s cage of cuddles and had taken up residence in the farthest corner of the room.

John gives an awkward little smile and waves, which is met with narrowed eyes and an irritated hiss. The child dives back into his nest of blankets, burrowing down until all John could see was a shifting mass of cloth muffling a stream of petulant grumbles. He hears a soft chuckle from behind.

“The cause of his vehemence towards you shall always evade me,” Rose murmurs softly, a light smile on her face as she jots down notes on her clipboard. “One might think you beat the boy after I leave.”

“Aw, come on, Rose,” John whispers back, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. “You know that wouldn’t happen.”

“True,” Rose muses, finishing her thoughts with a quick scrawl before slipping the pen behind her ear. “He could probably ‘take you’, as Dave suggests.”

John rolls his eyes, worming his way out the pile of children to make for the adjacent wall. He reaches back to grab at the table stacked behind the cabinets, rolling it forward and slowly pulling out its folded legs as quietly as he could. “There is no beating of anyone, Rose,” he whines, wincing as one leg straightens with an audible _snap_. A quick glance around the room reassures him that no one has been roused. “He’s just complicated.”

“Mm, very,” Rose hums, mimicking John’s eye-roll. “Do you need any help there?”

“Nah,” John shrugs, squinting his eyes as he carefully lowers the table down into its proper position. “Just if you could grab the crayons... and puzzles- _oof_! That would be good.” He exhales in relief as the table is righted, rolling his shoulder and rubbing his hands together as Rose nods and bustles off to the supplies box.

John glances over at the kids, chuckling as two golden orbs stare back at him. Karkat had re-emerged from his makeshift den, a wary gaze on his face as he watched from afar. John ignored him for the moment, hoisting two plastic chairs into the air and carrying them across the room. He repeated this in sets before a series of bright yellow and highly uncomfortable seats circled the table.

With a nod of satisfaction, John turns back around the look for Karkat, who instinctively huddles and gnashes his teeth when their eyes meet. John snorts waves his hand dismissively, gesturing to a chair and back at Karkat. The child glares back at him and sticks out his tongue, but after a few moments of a staredown, Karkat wriggles out from under the covers. He lazily meanders across the room, taking his time and doing his best to look uninterested. His pace picks up a bit when Rose returns with an assortment of paper, crayons, and puzzles.

John chuckles as Karkat slumps into a chair and watches sullenly while Rose laid out the spread of activities. She peers up at the laugh, glancing between the two with a look on her face that plainly said ‘ _he should be sleeping’_. John ignores it. Like the rest of them, Rose had long given up that battle.

Karkat grabs at a crayon, scribbling furiously across the paper before him as the two adults shrug and wander off to do their respective duties. Rose tidies the toys as John scrubs at the sinks – a thankless task that Dave always left for him if Jade didn’t take notice. From then they moved about, cleaning and organizing as Karkat worked furiously on his masterpiece in total silence. As John carried a load of sopping clothes past the table, a crayon stub went flying, Karkat sat back in his chair with a satisfied snort, and John’s curiosity got the best of him.

“Whatcha drawing there, Kar?” he asks, tilting his head to getter a better view as he re-adjusted the bundle in his arms. The child snorts again, glancing up at John with suspicious eyes. He looks between his picture and John for a few moments, as if trying to decide whether to present his masterpiece or not. Finally, he snatches the paper up and shoves it into John’s face with a scowl.

John blinks, peering forward through his glasses. At first glance he saw a stick-like human with rectangular clothes and outrageously large squares atop the face.

“Is that me, Karkat?”

Grunt.

“What are those sharp things sticking out of my head?”

Grunt.

“And why are my eyes little x’s-”

“ _Karkat!”_ Rose says sharply, appearing at John’s side to snatch the paper from the child’s grasp. She gives it a quick once-over before giving him a stern stare. Karkat matches her look, but shrinks back a bit in spite of himself.

“Karkat, we do _not_ draw these sorts of things,” Rose says hotly, brandishing the drawing while John looks on, nonplussed. “Furthermore, you-”

 _Yawn._

Rose freezes mid-sentence, a look of mild horror on her face. In her temper, she had forgotten to keep her voice down. She whips around to stare at the huddle of mats, from which on extremely mussy-haired child is beginning to rise. It slowly sheds its blanket and rubs its eyes sleepily, vacantly staring about the room. Rose stares, her stomach knotting with familiar dread as John smiles at the child, shifting his arms to give a friendly wave.

“Hey, Vriska!”

\-----

 

Rose felt herself taking two involuntary steps backwards as the child began to rouse herself from her stupor, dazed eyes settling upon John’s smile. A slow blink, then another as Rose continues backing up with shoulders tensing in preparation. A look of realization dawns upon the small girl that is swiftly followed by a wicked grin cracking across her face.

“ _Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohn!_ ”

The shriek was earsplitting, deafening, and at an octave that Rose begrudgingly found impressive. It almost drowned out the moans and wails that emitted from the pile of children as each was abruptly and prematurely yanked from their slumber. Some allowed themselves to be roused, grump radiating from them as they rolled off their mats and glared at their awakener. Other simply burrowed back down into their blankets, intent on ignoring consciousness for as long as possible. Tavros sniffles sadly and curls in on himself.  

The girl, seemingly oblivious to the onslaught of death glares sent her way by peers and Rose, bounds across the room towards her target. Spindly arms grasp at John’s limbs as she clambers up his torso, seizing hold of whatever leverage she can find as she scrambles upwards. Finally, she finds her perch as she reaches his shoulders, swinging her legs over his head until they could lock together at his neck, while her hands joined together at his forehead to create a sort of loving death-grip.  She nuzzles her face into his hair as Rose gives an exasperated sigh.

“John…”

“What?” he laughs, struggling to keep hold on the load of clothes held in his arms as the child begins smacking the top of his head. “Oh, come on. You’re the one that woke her up…”

Rose’s sharp eyes flicked back in the direction of Karkat. She’d almost forgotten. The boy was hunched over a new scrap of paper, but his scribbling was much slower and his expression dull compared to the savage concentration his face had possessed while making his first creation. She surmises that he was either drawing something pleasant or at least more subtle. Her attention returns to John.  

“John,” she tries again, before stopping and considering the pair. “Vriska.”

The girl starts as her name is called, abandoning her game of kicking John in the armpit. Her eyes narrow as they land upon Rose, her back arching as she huddles down and glares at her opponent through hand-made parts in John’s hair. She hisses lowly and sticks out her tongue.

“Vriska-”

“My John.”

“Vriska…”

“ _My_ John.”  

Rose reaches up to pinch the brow of her nose, rubbing in circles as she fought to keep her composure. She sighs, removing the hand to look at the child squarely.

“Vriska,” she says fiercely, the words tumbling out rapid-fire, “You may not-” _My John._ “-yell during naptime-” _My John._ “-and wake other-” _My John._ “-children. For this-” _My John._ “-you will be-” _MY JOHN!_ “-punished!”

Rose plucks the now-screaming child off John’s shoulders, earning him a well-deserved kick to the back of the head as Vriska thrashed and fought her captor. Rose stumbles across the room amidst celebratory snickers, struggling to retain her grip on the flailing child before unceremoniously dropping her into the time-out corner. Rose dusts off her shirt with a huff before straightening up and planting her hands on her hips. She gives Vriska a long, stern look, who simply sticks out her tongue before turning around to sulk.

Rose grits her teeth, deciding that a lecture would be as completely useless as always. She pivots, surveying the room and its rousing inhabitants as John wanders away with the clothes and his glasses askew. She taps her chin, glancing about for her apron – wherever Dave had hidden it. Honestly, that boy had no sense of organizati-

“Miss Lalonde?”

Rose starts, glancing downward as she feels a light tug at the hem of her skirt. Small hands present her with a neatly folded apron as shy eyes peer up at her and a shoe nervously scuffs at the floor. Rose smiles, dipping into a gracious curtsey before taking the offered item. “Thank you, Kanaya. How are you today?”

The child smiles, lacing her hands behind her back as Rose snaps the apron open with a flourish before slipping it over her head. “I- am- quite- well- ma-dam,” she says slowly, pronouncing each word with careful consideration. “And- how- are- you?”

Rose chuckles, smoothing out her apron and re-primping her hair. “Well enough, I suppose. Do you have a new word for me today?”

Kanaya nods eagerly, standing up stiffly as her eyes scrunch with intense concentration. After a few moments, she begins nervously begins to recite. “Awm-no-mawn-oh-pee-uh.”

“Onomatopoeia,” Rose repeats, giving her a pleased nod. The girl brightens visibly, looking up with eager eyes. “Whassit mean?”

“What _does_ it mean, Kanaya. And it is a word that suggests the sound something might make. Such as, say, meow,” Rose says crisply, her tone already beginning to take the form of a lecture. “A cat does not say meow, but we use that word to characterize the sounds it does make. Even if it seems Miss Leijon firmly disagrees with me.” Kanaya nods, opening her mouth to reply.  

“Oh, come on Rose. Are you still doing your word-of-the-day thing?” John interrupts, laughing as he meanders over to their corner. Vriska is once again perched upon his shoulders, much to Rose’s chagrin. When the girl had made her escape from the corner, she could not say, but was betting it had been the moment she had turned her back.   

“While I have given up on it with the class as a whole, thanks to Mister Vantas’ inexplicably vast yet purely foul vocabulary, there are some who still wish to broaden their horizons,” Rose says primly, eyeing Vriska with a look of disdain.

“Boys are stupid,” Kanaya adds for good measure.

“That is unfair and misleading,” Rose responds automatically, looking down at her pupil. Kanaya shrinks back, bowing her head.

John snickers as he looks between the two, shaking his head and giving Rose a friendly smile. “You guys are so funny. I’m gonna go fix the snack, need anything?”

“ _Snack!_ ” Vriska cries, bouncing up and down as John winces and chuckles. Rose rolls her eyes, shaking her head as the girl continues chanting the word, drowning out whatever hopes Rose had of verbal communication. John stumbles off, trying to grab onto Vriska’s flailing legs as he swerved about the room.

“Yes, snack , Vriska…”

“Cookies!”

“No, no cooki-”

“ ** _Cookies_** _._ ”

“Boys are stupid,” Kanaya repeats.

Rose doesn’t correct her.

\------

One by one, the children slowly peel themselves off their mat, grumbling and whining as John and Rose usher them to the table and push crayons and paper under their noses. Rose stoops to wipe Terezi’s drool-encrusted face as Kanaya practically drags a thrashing Eridan across the floor. John stops by to give her a hand, lifting the wriggling tot off the ground, spinning him in the air with great flourish, and then depositing him in his seat with an audible thump.

Rose pats around the room, bending to re-roll mats and tuck them over her shoulder while John begins gathering up scattered blankets and dolls. Vriska had been removed from his shoulders due to balance issues and was now clinging faithfully to John’s right leg, making little cackling _Wheeee!_ sounds as John half-limps about the room.

Tavros gazes up at Rose with big, sad eyes as she stops by his mat. He was clutching Tinkerbull quite fiercely and was still nestled against his pillow in an attempt to forgo rising. Rose gives him a sort of half-smile, bending down to pull the blanket off his legs with a gentle tug. “It’s time to get up, Tavros,” she says kindly, extending a hand for his prized plush. The boy shrinks into himself, shaking his head and tucking his knees to his chin. Rose sighs patiently, dropping into a low crouch so she could look him eye to eye. “Come now. If I let you keep your toy out, will you go join the rest of your friends?”

A long pause, and then Tavros peeks his head out and gives her a shy nod. Rose smiles, wrapping her arms around his chest to pull the boy upwards onto her shoulder and plucking the plushie from his grasp. When he is firmly settled, she wanders back to the table and deposits him gently in the seat beside Gamzee. She places Tinkerbull onto the table while Tavros peers over at his friend with a sleepy smile.

Gamzee ignores him, opting to gaze at the mountain of puzzle pieces in his lap with an intense amount of scrutiny. Rose glances at a series of discarded boxes at his feet and arches an eyebrow as she realizes he had poured every puzzle set he could find into the one misshapen pile. He held two pieces in his hands, one of a duck bill and another that looked a bit like part of a keyboard. He stares long and hard at the one in his left palm, then his right, then his left, repeating the cycle so often that Rose meanders away before a headache could overtake her.  

She was just tucking away the last of the mats when Kanaya appears at her side again, gently tugging on her skirt and pointing at the table. “Miss Lalonde?”

“Yes?” Rose says absently, dusting off her hands and glancing downwards.  

“Nepeta wants to play with crafts now.”

“Oh,” Rose murmurs with a vaguely amused smile.”And how did she tell you that?”

“Um, she went _Meow!_ an’ pointed at the box.”

“Don’t say _um_ dear, it makes you sound uneducated,” Rose replies, scooting away from the cubbies as Kanaya nods dutifully. “But yes, I suppose we can bring out the craft materials.” She stands on her tiptoes and presses against the wall, pulling down a rather large box from the uppermost shelves. “Do you remember the rules?”

“Kar can’t ‘ave scissors, Terezi can’t ‘ave chalk, and Gamzee can’t ‘ave anything,” Kanaya recites carefully, folding her hands behind her back.

Rose nods, leaning forward to hand her the carton of supplies. “Careful, it’s heavy.” Kanaya swings her arms forward, catching the box and wincing under the weight. After a few moments of pained shifting, she manages to get a firm hold and stumbles off toward the table. Rose smiles with satisfaction, eyes probing about the room. Now where had John wandered off to?

She finds him in the kitchen, rapidly slicing and dicing up celery sticks and dolloping peanut butter into little paper cups. His person is suspiciously devoid of Vriska, to which she voices a question as to the tyke’s whereabouts.

“Hm?” John asks, glancing over his shoulder. “Oh, she had to go to the bathroom.” He turns and offers Rose a cup. “Peanut butter?”

Rose takes the cup, snagging a stray celery stalk and dipping it into the nutty paste with an elegant swirl. She pops the morsel into her mouth, chewing absently for a few moments before swallowing and tossing the cup into the trash. “You know you spoil her,” Rose says causally, as if _somehow_ this conversation had been brought up many times before.

“No I don’t,” John chuckles, sawing off another stick. “She’s just very… eccentric. Needs attention.”

Rose rolls her eyes, licking the last traces of peanut off her teeth. _Every time_. “Sure, John.”

“Well, what about you and Kanaya?” John teases, looking back again. “You look like a mother hen with a chick bobbing about your feet when she’s around.”

“Kanaya is my helper,” Rose says defensively, smoothing out her apron. “Not a monkey clingi-”

“Glue.”

“What?”

John points over her shoulder. “Gamzee’s got the glue.”

Rose whips around, swearing under her breath as she dashes back to the table.  Kanaya stands at the side, looking positively distraught as she wrings her hands. Gamzee is leaning back in his chair, head tilted and hands squeezing the glue bottle's contents into his mouth in such a way that would make unsuspecting passerby wonder if it was simply a juice box. Rose snatches the item from his mouth, rounding on Kanaya with fire in her eyes.

“I didn’ do it!” Kanaya wails before Rose has a chance to open her mouth, “Equius gave it to ‘im!”

The accused’s eyes are trained on the ground as Rose turns to him with her arms crossed and her voice low. “Equius,” she says slowly, fingering the slobbery tip of the bottle, “Why did you give Gamzee the glue?”

The boy fidgets nervously, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. “I, I, um,” he stutters, licking his lips nervously, “He’s older than me, an’ he said I had to, so, um…” A helpless glance is sent at Gamzee, who simply slumps over with a vacant smile and begins blowing milky-white bubbles from his lips.  

Rose snatches the two boys by the collars, dragging them to different corners of the room while she lectures them with every step. She tosses Equius into the southern part, who earns a slight nod of approval when he huddles in his chair and gives her a remorseful look. She _attempts_ to do the same to Gamzee, who has somehow managed to achieve the consistency of a limp noodle in her arms. He slides out his chair the instant she deposits him, splaying out across the floor and gnawing on his finger.

Deciding to just let _that_ one be, Rose returns to the table and cats a watchful eye over her charges, peering about for any more signs of mischief. Nepeta and Feferi were huddled together over a rather crude cut-out crab while Tavros doodled winged creatures all over his paper. Kanaya was sniffling by Terezi, who had about fifteen different crayons stuffed in her mouth, and Eridan and Karkat seemed to be getting into a heated argument over who had claimed dibs on the Bendaroos that day.

Just as Rose was about to intervene between the two squabbling boys, Nepeta suddenly bends down and places the cardboard crab between her teeth. She breaks away from the group, dropping to all fours as she begins padding over to where Karkat’s yelling had begun increasing in volume at a rapid rate. He cuts short as she taps him on the shoulder and issues muffled mewl. He looks down with a scowl as she leans forward, depositing the now slightly soggy cut-out into his lap. His face contorts for a moment, but as Nepeta looks at him with hopelessly round eyes, his look softens as he slumps forward. His hand raises, hesitates, and then gives her two quick pats on the head.

Nepeta purrs, unabashedly rubbing her chin against Karkat’s shin, who in turn flushes violently and wrenches his head away, deciding to stare fixedly on the wall instead. A series of sniggers erupt from the table, though none quite as loud as Eridan’s who is practically cackling in his seat. Equius shoots Nepeta a horrified stare as Rose sighs and stoops to pluck the girl from the floor.

 “Nepeta,” she says calmly, holding the girl at arm’s length and giving her a stern look, “Please do not crawl on the floor.”

“ _Meow_.”

“Use your words, Nepeta.”

“ _Mrow_.”

“Nepeta, you are not a cat. You are a little troll girl.”

“ _Purrrrr..._ ”

“Nepeta.”

“ _Ffffffffft_.”

“Ne-”

At this Rose is cut off as a sharp yowl punctuates her speech – but not from Nepeta. Karkat had launched himself at Eridan during Rose’s bantering, and was now sinking his teeth into the other boy's arm.


	4. Afternoon Session - Section II

\-----

 

Rose could only stand there, watching in horror as the two children went down in a tussle of bites and kicks as Karkat and Eridan grappled with each other. The snarls and hiss emitting from the tangle of children were only punctuated by a few stray sobs from Eridan as they tumbled to the floor. Kanaya hovered over them with pleading tones, darting to and fro as she attempts to pull Karkat away before retreating from a swipe of nails.

Suddenly, the two break apart, each hurdling themselves towards the tabletop. Karkat lunges for the glitter cup as Eridan's fist encloses around a glob of Playdoh. The two turn and hurdle the objects, and being four, typically miss their marks by a mile. Gamzee is met with a face-full of glitter as Eridan's Playdoh projectile splatters across the front of Kanaya's chest. The two victims stand there in shock as the rest of the table gapes at them.

For one, blissful moment, all was silent.

Then the table erupts with chaos as every child jumps into the fray. Nepeta yowls, chucking her tray of buttons into the air as Terezi pries slobbery crayons from her mouth and starts flinging them across the table like tiny missiles. Gamzee retreats under the table with a whimpering Tavros, rubbing glitter throughout his hair with a vacant smile. Even Kanaya, enraged by the desecration of her dress, leaps into battle, swinging a pair of SillyScissors like a sword as Karkat darts past her to tackle Eridan once more.

Just as Equius upends the table is when John makes his appearance, yelping and grabbing flailing children as Rose simply stands there and stares at the commotion. He wrestles them away, nearly slipping in spilled paint as he tugs them to the door, trying to avoid swipes and kicks at his own limbs. Rose utters a soft “Coats,” as he manages to drag two to the cubbies, and he gives her a nod as he throws a ragtag assortment of clothes over their heads. Rose breaks out of her daze for a moment, vacantly pulling sets of children over to John as he ushers them outside, fighting to keep his voice above theirs as they shriek and wail in his grip. Finally, he manages to yank a thrashing Karkat out the door and with one last desperate look at Rose, he closes it with a firm click.

The woman stares after him for a bit, before finally turning on her heels to survey the damage. The room was in ruins, the table was flipped on its side and the contents of everything the craft box had held were strewn across the floor. A myriad of paint globs were splattered across the floor amidst piles of glitter as drying buttons slowly glued themselves to chairs and windows. Three crayons were lodged in the fan.

Rose stays silent for a good minute, slowly swaying back and forth on her heels as she attempts to fight off her headache. She starts as a muffled flush is heard from the other side of the room, and the bathroom creaks open as a satisfied exhale follows it.

She lifts her head up and stares numbly as Vriska emerges, smoothing out her shirt and offering a lazy yawn. The girl's eyes land to Rose, then the disaster zone, then to Rose, then back. Her lips crack into a gleeful grin, and she lets out eight barking laughs. She then crosses the room, gives Rose a condescending pat on the thigh and toddles out after John, shutting the door with a slam.

Rose places her head in her hands.

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm really sick right now. I've been trying to write for 3 days and this is all I've gotten, my brain will not work. But I was determined to get SOMETHING out so, have this for now. More once I kick this cold.


	5. Afternoon Session Update

John sighs and plants his hands firmly on his hips as the children begin scampering from the door to make a beeline for the empty jungle gym. Vriska brushes past him, giving his thigh an affectionate slap before vaulting over Tavros and starting a brisk jog towards the tire swing. Nepeta had dropped to all fours and had scurried after the shadows of pigeons taking flight as the swarm of toddlers overtake the playground.

Another sigh escapes John’s lips, but it’s grateful this time. The children shriek and gabber at each other as swings creak and hands flail as they clamber across their miniature kingdom. John leans down to pick up the crawling Tavros and tosses him over his shoulder with a smile. He moves to wade into the chaos, placing the boy into the sandbox while weaving between rushing toddlers.

Karkat tramples his foot as the child tears after a teary, wide-eyed Eridan, apparently still on the run from earlier. John catches the snarling toddler by the collar and hoists him into the air, head jerking backwards as clawed fingers and thrashing feet slice through the air. He gingerly holds Karkat at arm’s length before his hand darts out to grasp Karkat’s wrists between his fingers. Teeth snap in reciprocation, but John quickly moves his hand lower and out of reach.

John’s glances around until he spies a nearby snowbank, recently marred with suspiciously toddler-sized holes.  He catches Karkat’s left leg with his other hand and begins swinging both arms in unison, swaying the child steadily as he takes careful steps forward.

“Ready, Karkat?” The toddler cuts off mid-snarl as his eyes narrow, then widen as his eyes follow John’s to the snowbank. A frantic screech.

“ _NO!_ ”

“One…” John’s arms begin to pick up speed.

“ _NONONO!_ ”

“Two…” Another step.

“ _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONONONONO_ -” Karkat’s wail has caught the attention of the other children, who are now looking on with eager, pitying, or sinister grins.

“ _Threeeee!_ ” John cries out as he tosses Karkat into the air, the screaming toddler doing a rather impressive and unintended flip through the air before belly-flopping into the snow with an audible fwap. The crowd of toddlers cheer or wince as Karkat soundlessly sinks into the bank, lying motionless as John rubs the back of his head sheepishly. It had _looked_ harmless.

“Kar-” He’s cut off by an impatient tug on his jeans and looks down to see Feferi with her arms outstretched, hands clenching and unclenching as if to say ‘gimmee gimmee’.

“I want to a turn! Up!” Feferi  grins broadly and gives his pants another tug, bouncing on her heels.

John glances over at Karkat. The boy had roused himself by now, spitting out a hateful hiss at all around him before he promptly began burrowing into the snow, covering himself completely until nothing but a pair of angry eyes and a reddening nose protruded from what was now _his_ pile.

John tosses Feferi onto an adjacent snowbank instead.

\-----------

After a few more minutes, John finally puts his foot down and ends the long line for ‘toss rides’ that had accumulated behind him. He rubs his aching arms as he exits the playground to caretake from afar as the children whine and disperse to resume their regularly scheduled rampage-frolic.

John plops down on a miniature plastic bench and takes a swig from the water bottle at his hip. His eyes roam over the playground, making sure no injuries had been made in the 7 seconds he had taken his eyes off them. Which happened quite frequently.

Gamzee was dozing peacefully under a tree as Kanaya sat across from him, plucking despondently at her ruined dress. Terezi had somehow acquired one of their large, black trashbags and was now dashing around the playground in a makeshift Batman outfit, sans eyeholes.  John briefly wonders if he should confiscate it, but since she’d only pulled it across the top of her face, he let it be.

Tavros was building sandcastles as Equius attempted to do the same. The boy crushed mound after mound before finally giving up and leaning over, content to draw horse caricatures with his finger instead. Vriska was twirling around on the tire swing with reckless abandonment, eyeing the two as if judging if it was worth it to relinquish her spot so she could come over and stomp on everything.

Eridan and Feferi were off together, Feferi swinging jovially from the monkey bars as Eridan shot fearful glances at Karkat from atop the slide. The boy in question had exited the snow pile upon realization that no one really wanted it in the first place, and that being covered in snow was, in fact, cold. He sniffs as he wanders aimlessly across the playground with a sour expression, not noticing the crouching Nepeta peering at him from her perch on the rock climbing wall. Her eyes follow his movements as her rear wiggles gently to and fro. She pretends to claw the plastic beneath her and every once in a while she reaches behind and flips her tail back and forth for effect.

The situation is assessed as non-lethal. John closes his eyes to sip his water contentedly.

“Hello.”

A quick inhale leads to a choke as John spits a small stream of water across the concrete. He quickly wipes his mouth and glances down, his shoulders lowering after the initial surprise.

“Aradia. You startled me!”

The girl sits primly beside him, hands folded in her lap and eyes on the floor as her legs kick back and forth idly. “Sorry,” she says in her usual monotone.

John exhales slowly, replacing the cap on his bottle as he gives the playground a quick survey and returns his gaze to her. “What’s up? You don’t usually come outside.”

“I talked to Dave today,” the girl replies, ignoring his words.

“Oh?” John queries, eyes straying to the grounds again as he speaks.

“Yes.”

“About what?”

“Nothing.” The girl shrugs one shoulder as she continues staring at the ground.

“Alright. Well... it’s good you’re talking to other people then,” John offers as he gives her a smile.

“I am neither fighting nor getting along, I am just talking. By the tree, you should intervene.”

\--------------------

John twists his head immediately at her words, legs instinctively forcing him to stand.  In his lapse of concentration, Terezi had made her way to the snoozing Gamzee, knotted a jump rope into a facsimile noose around the boy’s neck, and had looped it over a low branch. With a great sweep of her cape and a shout of “ _I AM THE NIGHT!_ ” she yanks on the rope full-force.

John shouts in terror as he leaps off the bench and sprints towards the pair. Luckily, the noose had been made too wide and had only resulted in a fierce tug on Gamzee’s chin. It popped off of the child as John scooped up a cackling Terezi with an angry cry. As he opened his mouth to berate her, another flash of movement caught his eye.

When Karkat had stopped to stare in the confusion, Nepeta had decided to make her move. The girl’s shadow covered Karkat briefly as she descended. The child raised his gaze skyward briefly before he was struckmercilessly to the ground by her pounce. John gapes open-mouthed as the boy lay dazed face-first for the second time today while Nepeta fondly kneads the toddler’s shirt and rubs her chin against the top of his head.

John tries to muster up a proper response when a fresh wail cuts off his thought process once more. Vriska’s decided the sandbox trip was worth it and is now kicking apart the castles and mushing the horse sketches beneath her heels. Tavros’ cries echo across the playground as John makes a strained noise between his teeth. Terezi wriggles merrily in his grasp, trying to free herself to resume her crime-fighting vigil.

Karkat had managed to come to his senses by this point, fresh scrapes across his face as he violently pushes himself up, shoving Nepeta off him with a pained, angry sob. The girl tumbles down, head thunking roughly against the ground. Her eyes begin to prick with tears to match Karkat’s as her lower lip quivers. Equius swells with rage and shouts loudly across the playground, abandoning the helpless Tavros in favor or storming towards Karkat.

John moves toward the two in a daze, aiming to get between before another fight begins. He  absently hopes Equius doesn’t launch an assault on his knees, which are pretty close to buckling anyway. He tries to get a hold on the situation as the child nears.

Feferi was hiding her face in Eridan’s scarf (who looked immensely pleased) to muffle the shouting, Terezi was nearly free of his loosening grip, Karkat was still yowling, Equius was almost upon him, Nepeta was crying in sync with Tavros, Vriska wasn’t stopping, Aradia had vanished, Gamzee was scratching his rope burn, Kanaya was yell-

John shakes his head and fervently prays Rose had brought her migraine pills.

 

\--------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's.. it's been a while. I'm sorry, I am. I've been regretting not finishing this for a while. I don't know if anyone's still reading, and I can't express enough my condolences for the wait if you are. I don't know if I'm any good anymore. But I'd like to finish this story now. I really would. Thank you for the fanart and wonderful comments, all of you.
> 
> As always, this will be posted so people can see an 'update' then moved to the main block and replaced by the next update. Feel free to point out any spelling or grammar errors -- I was up quite late writing this but determined to get it out.


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